The team and I settle down in front of the fake fire, as I open my stupidly big, old book and look lovingly at you, our audience.  Let me begin, “It was the night before Christmas…“

Paul breaks in ”No, sorry it isn’t the night before Christmas“,

“Yeah, I know that!” I reply, annoyed that the moment has been spoilt. “Don’t start!”

Paul quickly comes back. “We have to make sure we’re factually right, they’re our customers.”

“Aw maaaaaan” Sam chips in.

So I sigh, “OK, it was seven days before Christmas…”

“Thank you.” says Paul.

I shoot a steely glance towards him and reply “Look, stop interrupting me. Have you not got anything else to be getting on with?”

Paul looking indignant slinks away muttering behind him “Alright, alright!”

Shaking my head I look back at the audience. “Right, sorry about that….It was seven days before Christmas, and all around the office was quite (apart from Paul moaning at Peter, and Rage Against the Machine on the radio) so I’d like to take this time to say to all our friends, we wish you all a very happy festive holiday. We’ve enjoyed a great year, made better because of you, so thank you!”

From the other side of the office Paul shouts “Don’t forget to tell them when we’ll be breaking up and coming back in the New Year.”

“I was just coming to that!” I bellow. “It’s our last day today, although you can always contact us by e-mail throughout the holiday period, if you have any need to speak to us. We’ll be back on the 4th January, ready to go at 2010 and make it even better for all of us.”

Looking at the team I ask “Have I missed anything?…”

“No” Paul replies.

Simon looks up from his screen, spotting his opportunity to speak during that moment of silence. “Whos number is going on the answer phone for tech support?…”

“Yours” the whole office replies.

“You can F……” suggests Simon.

“Alright, mine then!” I say.

So…we’re off to enjoy some festive treats and rubbish TV but if you do need anything please just give me a call on 07595 181746. I’ll be happy to help, unless of course National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is on TV, in that case it’ll have to wait.

If you’re missing the usual festive christmas images of baubles and stuff, then fill your boots here…